Worn

     Ok...so the other day I posted about how I know that God has a plan and that I need to trust in Him.  Well, today is one of those days when it just isn't that easy.  Sometimes, life is hard.  No, sometimes life is just down right cruel.  You pray and you pray for something to get better and it doesn't.  Yet scripture tells us in Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."   You serve God in your life on a daily basis, but the pain still comes your way.  What about Romans 8:28 that tells us that "All things work together for good to those who love God."  What is good about cancer?  What is good about watching your dad fight the hardest battle of his life, only to watch it get harder, not easier?  Nothing is good about this.  Am I supposed to trust Him. Yes.  Am I supposed to know that His plan is greater than mine?  Yes.  Am I supposed to believe that His will will be done.  Yes.  BUT.....I don't want to do that right now.  I want my dad to get better. I'm not strong enough to trust right now.  I feel weaker than ever.  I'm not wanting to hear He has a plan.  I want MY plan to be His plan.  I want Him to save my dad.
     So tonight, I write this blog broken, and worn.  Tired of the hurt and the pain and the struggle.  I know what I need to do and I know that I will get there....but not tonight.  Tonight, I cry.  Tonight, I hurt.  Tonight, I get on my knees and cry out to the Lord, "My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?"